While the idea of all things jolly during the holidays is comforting, the reality of getting together with friends and family can sometimes include figuring out how to navigate less-joyful topics of conversation
Islamabad (Pakistan Point News / Online - 26th December, 2019) While the idea of all things jolly during the holidays is comforting, the reality of getting together with friends and family can sometimes include figuring out how to navigate less-joyful topics of conversation.With the current divisive political climate, this season may be particularly packed with tense talk at your next gathering potentially putting a damper on your holiday celebration.
"The problem, especially when we talk about politics, is that people take it so personally. They make part of their identity the political ideology or the person. So if you so strongly identify with the president of the United States, and someone says something bad about him, then you feel like you're being attacked personally," Patrick Wanis, PhD, a human behavior expert, told Healthline."If you identify with a particular political ideology and someone attacks that, then you feel like you're being attacked personally," he added.
However, for some people, spirited talks are healthy if they involve a dialogue where both people are genuinely interested in understanding the other's position rather than trying to get them to buy into theirs, said Karen Ruskin, PsyD, a relationship and human behavior expert in Gilbert, Arizona."If you're trying to sell your perspective, then that creates disharmony and discomfort and friction and misunderstanding and not feeling like your voice is heard," Dr.
Ruskin told Healthline.She explained that the political debate between family and friends is not just about politics."It becomes about feeling not understood and not heard and when we as humans don't feel understood and heard, especially by the people we care about most� it hurts us. That's why talking about something that can be such [a] difference of opinion can be harmful for the relationship," Ruskin said.However, the following tips may be able to help you navigate difficult conversations that crop up at your next holiday gathering:Set boundariesJacob Z.
Goldsmith, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University in Chicago, Illinois, said that while it takes practice, setting boundaries is the best way to navigate difficult conversations."People think of boundaries as inherently problematic, as if the healthiest relationships would be ones with no boundaries. Healthy relationships definitely involve boundary setting. If someone is unwilling to respect your boundaries, it's a really good sign that that's not a healthy relationship," Dr.
Goldsmith told Healthline.He advised people think of setting boundaries in terms of communicating with and managing people."Ideally, we want to communicate with people. We want to say, �I love you and we need to stop talking about this right now' or �I'm happy to have a conversation about this, not at the dinner table in front of everyone else. Let's have a cup of coffee tomorrow and hash this out,'" Goldsmith said.Telling those in the discussion that you're overwhelmed and need to take a time out is another communication approach he recommended.
If communicating doesn't work, going into management mode is needed, which involves leaving the table during a heated discussion or not attending a family gathering to avoid a person."I'll acknowledge that in some families that's necessary, if you have a really toxic family member. But the first choice is to openly communicate," said Goldsmith.Dr. Wanis said the biggest sign that boundaries have been crossed is when personal attacks are made.
"It's fine if people debate passionately about something they believe in. The problem isn't when it's conflict, it's the type of conflict and it's when conflict becomes a personal attack," he said.Understand why someone wants to provokeIf setting boundaries is difficult around a person who intentionally pushes your buttons, Wanis said recognizing the reason why the person aims to argue with you can be helpful.He explained the following are usually the main reasons why:� It's the only way they believe they can connect with you.
� They like to have power over you.� They're a bully.� Convincing you to agree with them validates their beliefs.Once you understand their motivation, Wanis said it can be easier to not react to their provocations."It's learning to detach yourself from an outcome. If you want this person to approve or validate [you] then they have control over you," he said."You hear the words and you don't react because you don't have to prove anything," he continued.
"The moment you believe you have to prove something or that you have to convince someone of something is when you're going to get yourself in trouble."Wanis pointed out that another strategy is to ask questions."Say, �Why do you like President Trump so much?' or �Why do you not like President Trump so much?' And if you are just willing to listen, not only will you learn something, but you might learn something about the person and might get a greater insight into their core values, and you might realize they are probably not that different than you," he said.If you need to change the subject, he advised saying something along the lines of, "If President Trump bothers you so much, don't think about him." And then ask the person to tell you about what they're most passionate about in life to change the subject.
